Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
