Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
