If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
