FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
