I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
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