shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
