none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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