Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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