Heybabeimwearingurpanties
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
