Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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