So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
