wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
