yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
