i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
