She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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