just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
