did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
