So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
