why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
