His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
