Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
