I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
