grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
