The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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