It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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