your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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