In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
