Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
