On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize