and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
