Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
