DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love you. Go after that dick
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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