i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
pray to the hookup gods
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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