I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize