I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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