i just wanna soil my oats bro
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize