before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
