Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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