i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
