I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
