DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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