I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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