He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
