He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
