One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
