I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize