Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How's work?
Spinning.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
