Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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