i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
