Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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