I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
