Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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