come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
