Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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