Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
