I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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