I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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