Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
