Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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