remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
