So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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