i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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